“1. Be a fundamentalist, make sure fun always comes before the mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be cancelled. A laugh track has been provided and the reason why we are put in the material world is to get more material. Have a good laughsitive twice a day and that will insure regularhilarity.
2. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift – just for entering. So you are already a winner!
3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision. That is where I tell a vision to you and you tell a vision to me.
4. Life is like photography. You use the negative to develop.
5. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between our ears, causing a condition called truth decay. So be sure to use your truth brush and mental floss twice a day. And when you’re tempted to practice tantrum yoga, remember what we teach in the Absurdiveness Training Class: “Don’t get even, get odd.”
6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and truly live like nomads. That’s where I no mad at you, you no mad at me. That way, there will surely be nomadness on the planet. And peace begins with each of us. A little peace here, a little peace there, pretty soon all the peaces will fit together to make one big peace everywhere.
7. I know great earth changes have been predicted for the future, so if you’re looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple. When you find a fault, just don’t dwell on it.
8. There’s no need to change the world. All we have to do is toilet train the world, and we’ll never have to change it again.
9. Everything I have told you is channeled. That way, if you don’t like it, it’s not my fault. And remember, enlightenment is not a bureaucracy. You don’t have to go through channels.
10. Finally, if you’re looking to find the key to the universe, I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is – there is no key to the Universe. The good news is – it was never locked.”